Instrumental Music

I don’t really know where this post is going from here. I have so many things to cover and so many thoughts that I’ve been having recently – it’s almost too much to express, too much to put down in one piece of writing because I feel like I’m going to be jumping here, there and everywhere. So where should I begin? With an update of the past, and what’s been going on? With what I’m thinking or feeling right now?

Starting with the latter, then: I am very much into instrumental music. I love it, and usually it’s not just instrumental but from movie soundtracks and the like which make them even better. They remind me of places and things that I’ve watched and want to be a part of. I’ve never met a bigger escapist than myself, truth be told. Also, today I watched the final EVER episode of Being Human, which was a tragedy but a lovely way to end the show. I wish that I’d got to know Hal, Tom and Alex better as characters – the guy who plays Hal, Damien Molony, is fantastic. I can definitely see him going places. So it’s rather upsetting to know that it’s not coming back next year to make me question humanity and all its values, whilst still being charming and laugh-out-loud amusing.

Then again, as they say: “All good things must come to an end“.

It’s almost 4 in the afternoon and I really should be doing some French revision for tomorrow’s oral instead of writing on here. Stress is beginning to freak me out just a little, as I realise that I have a LOT of revision to do. The problem is I’m just not motivated to do any of it. To do anything. I guess this pensive-mood has been on the rise for a little while, I haven’t felt it for a long time. The difference I was hoping to find this time, however, was that I could bat it into submission. That I could control it and do what needs to be done.

Have I found that?

No. Yes. Maybe. Of course you have. Get a grip, for lord’s sake. This is your life and you know what needs to be done. You can’t sit here whining and complaining when really, truly, you know how you could make it that much better.
But what’s the point? Why go through all of this – it’s clear that my life is never going to be as exciting, dangerous, unpredictable and magnificent as those of people in stories, on TV or potentially even in films.
Wouldn’t that be because they’re not real? That’s not reality; and therefore I despise the reality around me, truth be told. It’s just an uphill struggle and they say that it gets better but I’m 18 years old and so far life’s done squat but challenge me. Is that why we live? To be challenged and know that even though we want something, whether that be a person or a place or a time that we cannot grasp because we are stuck here in the moment. The monotonous lifecycle of the modern man.

And I just wish that I could be…

so much more than human.