101st Post (Part 2)

For some reason two of my past posts haven't been working (they were both images), so I've had to delete them. There's no point trying to look at a 'file not found'... So that means that this post officially is the 101st post, even though I've already written one! But also helped with the name of this post, considering I couldn't think of anything else to call it.

As is probably noticeable, it's been a long time since I last wrote a post. There aren't really any excuses for that, seeing as I have a new phone app that nags me to 'write a post' about twice every week. However, there has been a lot going on. I don't think I really have time to explain all of it, nor can I really be bothered right now (for reasons that will become clear). Therefore, bullet points:

• DeNiro came to visit me in Exe, and stayed for a week.
• We did a couple of random fun things while she was here, but the first two days were taken over by Stereotypes, the play that was a stage adaptation of The Breakfast Club.
• Summer officially started after Stereotypes (which went great, and I'm still really good friends with the cast) and I went back to Canada with DeNiro.
• Canada was good fun, kinda strange. DeNiro broke up with her boyf whilst I was there, which was awkward but I'm glad I was able to be there for her in the first few days of it happening. However, in a selfish way it did piss me off a little, because she constantly made me be around her and her friends, but whilst she was in the UK she complained about me making her a third wheel...
• Which was probably why on one of the last days I was really irritated with her and her flatmate (Pat) and they didn't seem to realise... It ended up in me going ballistic that evening, kind of an accident, but I just couldn't keep my cool any more. So yeah, we fought. But I think it was justified; I couldn't continue the way things were going. I felt like I was being ganged up on by the two of them, and their stupid ideas about philosophy that don't really make much sense. But, enough of that.
• Worked things out, came back to the UK. Stayed in Exeter with Ry for an extra week and sorted everything out there in terms of moving house for next year. After that, it was back to Wales and chilling out.
• La's birthday party, in London about a week later. Was a good evening, and Ry was there. We were a bit sneaky in bed together, doing things we weren't supposed to. It made it feel like a proper house party.
• Home again, and Mum had some French girls here that she was teaching English. It was good for me, because I got to go kayaking with them, and also did some proper horse riding. As in, cantering over the top of a mountain with my hands in a pony's mane, feeling like the wind. It was great, but at £36 for 3 hours, I will have to wait for a while before doing it again.
• Ry came to Wales, stayed for two weeks. We went out in Aber, drinking and dancing, had a bath together, went to the movies, had a dinner party, and walked the dogs. A lot. All in all, it was a rather boring two weeks that was made about a hundred times better due to the fact that Ry was with me. Once he was gone, I felt pretty lost. It wasn't nice. It just ingrained into me how much I want to live with him; how much I hate not being around him, even when we aren't really doing anything. But I'll have to wait at least a year before we can live together. So fingers crossed all stays good and well.
• Read. Read a book in 5 days - the second in the KingKiller Cronicles, by Patrick Rothfuss, called The Wise Man's Fear. Mads showed me the trilogy, and it is very good.
• The weekend after Ry left, we scattered Grandad's ashes. 

That is where we meet the present - I am currently sitting in my Gran's sister's living room in Essex. Yesterday we scattered Grandad's ashes in the park near here; it was were he used to play, and next to the first house Mum ever lived in. Though this area of England doesn't mean much to me, I know that it held a lot of memories for Grandad. He lived around here for the first 40-odd years of his life, and Mum did until she was 11. But now, I am incredibly bored. I finished AWMF today, and there is absolutely nothing to do in this house. 

Boredom sets in, and I feel like a dog that can't go for walks. I don't really have anything in common with Mum's cousins, except for knowing that they are blood relations. They're all Mum's age. It is tedious, but we carry on. After all, we'll be going home tomorrow.

The Worst Addiction

I miss you like the winter months miss the sun, 
craving your touch the way ice cold ground demands 
the light on its surface, only wanting more. 

I miss you more than I can express 
in words or shapes or sounds, 
breath caught in my throat as 
you take my heart away with you; 
every step you make in the wrong direction,
away from me, becomes another tug at my strings. 

I miss you to the point of no return, 
questioning how this could have happened 
and knowing that I would have it no other way - 
but maybe I should have been kinder, wiser, 
and known that the hourglass was always running down - 
I shouldn’t of pretended there would be no last grain. 

I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, 
but I know this only marks the beginning 
of the time we spend apart, 
when I desperately wish that my beating heart 
was counting down the last few minutes
I would have to be without you. 

I miss you, my dearest love, 
the only person I wish I was standing beside; 
you are my other half, and without you
I do not feel whole.