Pear Shaped

And so here we are, it’s Tuesday. The Boy broke it off with me on Saturday night, which was utterly devastating and secretly relieving in a weird way. Did I feel like it was coming? Possibly so, possibly, I should have seen it. He’d been wrapped up in his own stuff all week and when he told me that he couldn’t do ‘this’ anymore because he had to be by himself for a while, it was completely understandable. God damn infuriating, but completely logical and I don’t blame him or anything. I get it, I get where he’s coming from and I know he needs his space, and so we have gone our separate ways.

But I did drink an 8-unit bottle of wine and then about 3/4ths of another  by myself in about an hour, proceeded to get so drunk I couldn’t see and have gaps in my memory, cry a lot, kiss someone, dance with many people, and then pass out in my bed before midnight. It was a pretty quiet evening, considering I’d just been broken up with by a guy I really like. I could have hooked up with several people, of that i am sure (and not being arrogant – they were all piss drunk as well) but I didn’t. I think I floated away from most of them, but was seriously insulted by the Boy’s best friend, whom I danced with and then specifically remember that he bit me on the neck. Who would do that to their best friend? I still don’t know about that Guatemalan.

Been mood-swingy for a while, but I’m getting the hang of it. Trying to stay positive, you know, all that crap. Got too much stuff to be worrying about without this ‘break-up’ business. Plus, me and the Boy are going to remain friends. I mean it’s going to be hard for a while, but with time I’m hoping that we’ll become good mates again. I talked to him and Hager for an hour last night, which was nice. We get on too easily to be awkward with each other; yes, it’s not going to be the same, but maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe this way we’ll have a real, proper friendship… and I won’t think about it turning into anything else, even though emotionally I’m already there. Or think I’m there. I’m probably not.

Got a lot of work to do – Also my wonderful second years are going to be here tomorrow – AII EEEEEEE, I’m so EXCITED. It’s going to be great, getting away from these people, just having a break with old friends for a couple of days. I’ll come back refreshed, and things will be good again. I’ll finish all my work and become a social butterfly, the way I want to. I’ll talk to Mum, get Mads present sorted out, and then I’ll just work out what to do over Christmas because at the moment it seems like it’s going to be a fairly boring four weeks, and I don’t want that at all. But maybe just working and concentrating on family will be a good thing. Lord, though, four weeks is a long time to be away from AC. I don’t want to be away from here for such a long time when I’ve got so little time left here.

Anyways. Going to call Mother now, talk to her about buying things off the internet. Then I have my personal statement to write. So. Wish me luck.

And maybe a smidgen of happiness.