I am a deranged mess, I swear. Right now there is something seriously wrong with me, and I am very tempted to blame everything on the Boy. I mean -come on- what I am supposed to do? Everything’s such a mess. I haven’t spoken to him properly for two days, it’s all I want to do, and then when I see him I just get all tongue tied. My mind is literally like “Go talk to him, that’s it, say words AHAH NOPE, I’M BLANK”.
The only way I can describe it is with this meme, which is me talking to myself saying: 
It’s so utterly frustrating. So here we go, making a plan to stop being a little whiny bitch. GO AND GET HIM. The Boy isn’t going to make the first move, and things are going to become more and more awkward, strange, whatever. You like him, yes? Go. And. Find. Him. Don’t just sit around waiting for him to find you. As the Bald Austrian would say: Pounce. If it goes wrong, fine, that’s the end of it – but don’t fear rejection just because you think it might happen. Show how you really feel (what a cheesy statement, but true in this case). There is no harm in that. Eventually he’ll understand, pick it up, and then it won’t be you doing all the work.
Exhausted rambling leads me to this conclusion – I’m just being a little bit of a sissy.
There is enough crap going on without having to deal with this on top of it – the IPP for example, which is still not finished.
Well; I’m actually feeling a lot better after ranting to myself. I always knew that calling myself obscure and vulgar names would help, why haven’t i done it sooner? I realise that at this point in time I won’t be able to see him, oh – but I will. I will return from climbing, find him, chat, cwtch, and be generally all happy. Then I will continue to do this in public (tomorrow, or eventually), we will get to a stage where we actually talk about Feels, and perhaps I will enter into a relationshop with this guy and we will not just be ‘relations’ but friends. And will be able to hang out with each other whenever we want, without any kind of awkwardness.
Awkwardness really is the bane of my life. Today, it will die.
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