A Long Time Later

I have not posted on here in over two weeks, and it’s been absolutely mental.

• House drama, anger, frustration, tears. That hateful state of unknowing, and having people not tell you stuff.
• Double gatings, abandonment, people leaving (and coming back) and having a “dysfunctional community”
• French coursework – don’t know if it was good enough
• Given in both pieces of English coursework
• French interactive oral today
• University interview at Exeter last week… interesting. It was for drama, I kinda felt a little out of place.
• Realised that I don’t know how I feel about uni. Especially considering my love/hate relationship for other Brits. I think it stems from Crick High.
• Sober weekends, having a spliff, strobe-light sosh.
• I gave in the IPP!
• Not doing anything for the Research Investigation
• Struggling with the Maths Project

I think that’s most of it? Also the fact that it’s only Exeter I’m waiting on in terms of uni applications. UEA, Nottingham and York all want me. Bristol declined, but who cares about Bristol?

I haven’t seen any of my friends for a long time, it feels, and I think it’s just because I’ve been busy. I still haven’t sent Canada’s letter, and I need to post a photocopy of my photographic ID to Pheonix… I guess I should do that today at some point. It’s plausible, there isn’t anything special that I have to do today. Just a lot of ‘work’.

The Food Festival is this Sunday. I hope it goes well; I’m going to speak to N.Lush about funding because some people wanted to be reimbursed, which is fine with me but it just depends on whether or not N.Lush is willing to give us any money… There are a few people who’ve said that they will cook and stuff, but I don’t really know the numbers and I don’t know whether there will be enough food for everyone who comes to eat it. I also don’t know how many people will come to eat. But probably more than the food we have. Fingers crossed, just plough forwards. Everything should go well…

I’ll just cook a giant pot of something on the off chance, so that we have enough food.

I need to start going back to Whitaker, I miss the people over there. But at the same time I just can’t be bothered, the effort it takes to go places is insane. But I should. Right? There’s two parts of my thinking: the first is that I should go and be sociable and meet people while it’s still a possibility, and rekindle the friendships that have faded that I had last year. On the other hand, the second part of my thinking asks why should I try? It’s like J-Dawg said: surely it’s better to have a smaller group of friends that actually care about you? After all, I think about Singapore and all the people I thought I was friends with there, and now I hardly talk to any of them. Even my best friends, like Laney and Em, I hardly speak to anymore just because we’re not in the same place.

What’s the conclusion to all this, though? Life is one crazy ride.