Friendships; a Concept.

I don’t know what it is about them that I don’t particularly understand. I mean I know that you have a good friendship with a person when you get on with them well, and obviously in society there are going to be different ‘groups’ of friendships, but what strikes me as odd is the different ways in which we perceive and appreciate the different members of our friendships.

Mine, for instance:
Within all the friendships I have, I have never once requested the other person’s love. It’s probably because I just assume that I have it – but that’s not necessarily reciprocated. Sometimes, I’ve noticed, that the other person wants to have some physical sign that they are wanted and needed. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. I have a very sisterly relationship with Fam, and sibling relationship with Hager, but then with Mari (and maybe it’s because she’s Latina) there is this need for her to bombard me with ‘love and affection’, whereas I never give her any except in very real circumstances.

Then there’s GLIPS – of which I did not necessarily mean to get my ‘S’ stuck on the end – who seem much more together with each other, and I happen to be the electron spinning around the nucleus. I have a love-hate relationship with the fact that I’m just the electron.

I guess what it all boils down to, in the end, is our personalities. Mine seems like a set of walking contradictions, based on pride, modesty and a potentially cold-hearted nature that I think is part British heritage and my own defence mechanisms. I’m guessing it also has to do with all of these complexes I have, which I still need to look into in greater depth.

This is going to sound awfully cheesy, but I really think it’s time I started to understand myself. Really understand myself, rather than just pretending to know what’s going on inside my head.