Today is the eighth day of 2013, and what a start it has been to the year. To be very honest I haven’t really got up to much. Hung over for the first day, lazy the second, and this pretty much carried on until yesterday when I finally started getting my act together. Friday night was nice, I saw all the Drama lot and probably won’t be seeing them again until the summer time – not Easter. I thought maybe Easter, but then realised that’s two weeks before my Study Leave starts so it’s probably not the best idea in the world…
Yeah, and then Saturday I just kinda sat around because I was waiting for Watto to come over; she arrived at 6, we chatted and watched movies and then she left in the morning about 10 on Sunday. I went to work. Came back to the house. Became a slob again and had to boil water on the stove for OVER AN HOUR just to have a bath because there was no hot water left in the house. Bing and Mum used it all up having their baths (what is with Sunday and baths?) and the Boost button on the water-heater isn’t working so. Yeah. “My life is average” as we used to say, before that just became annoying.
Yesterday I started my TOK essay (finally) and walked home from Crick with Flashy, so that was fairly productive. Again, became more productive today because I went to the Bakery and got some data for the Maths project, then came home and continued to write the Essay before taking a (long) break in which Bing and I danced around the room listening to the Pirates of the Caribbean soundtrack. For some reason I’m really into movie soundtracks at the moment. It probably has something to do with The Hobbit
That was an amazing film.
What else? Oh yes, so I have to finish the TOK Essay now but have been a bit distracted. Put up a new poem on Writers Cafe and it’s kind of addicting and kind of annoying at the same time? Mostly it’s like any other writing site – bombarded by young teenagers who think they’re ‘all that’, and unfortunately much like in real life, there is some kind of weird social hierarchy where by the people with the most friends get the most reviews, and these reviews mean their work goes into the ‘popular’ section and then gets read even more… it’s like the poverty cycle a little bit, but backwards and less vicious if you’re in it. However, obviously I am not, and so therefore kind of become a vulture, feeding off the few scraps that get left behind…
Not that I’m complaining or anything.
On another note, I have another offer! This time from Nottingham University, so that’s very thrilling. 
And more and more, I have been seeing trailers for the Boy’s movie that’s coming out soon – unless it’s already out, I’m not sure. I’m in two minds about this whole thing, and not just because of the ‘history’ that the Boy and I have. Obviously, I care about him, but we were friends before the ‘history’ and though I am completely in awe of his life experience… I am unsure as to whether I want to see the movie or not. I imagine it’s a brilliant film, and I think he’s quite proud of it, but I just don’t know how I feel about the whole thing. Not that I think his family have sold themselves out – not at all, it’s a wonderful thing that they wish to share their story – but knowing him, I don’t know if I want a dramatized view of it. I don’t know if I want to see it; because it’s not like I could ever fully experience it, and I mean… what if it makes me (god forbid) pity him? I mean I sympathise already, and it was a horrific thing to happen but a great story at the same time because it has a happy ending and everyone was okay.
And more and more, I have been seeing trailers for the Boy’s movie that’s coming out soon – unless it’s already out, I’m not sure. I’m in two minds about this whole thing, and not just because of the ‘history’ that the Boy and I have. Obviously, I care about him, but we were friends before the ‘history’ and though I am completely in awe of his life experience… I am unsure as to whether I want to see the movie or not. I imagine it’s a brilliant film, and I think he’s quite proud of it, but I just don’t know how I feel about the whole thing. Not that I think his family have sold themselves out – not at all, it’s a wonderful thing that they wish to share their story – but knowing him, I don’t know if I want a dramatized view of it. I don’t know if I want to see it; because it’s not like I could ever fully experience it, and I mean… what if it makes me (god forbid) pity him? I mean I sympathise already, and it was a horrific thing to happen but a great story at the same time because it has a happy ending and everyone was okay.
My feeling is, I’d rather know it through him. I enjoyed reading the story when the Boy put it in front of me, when he told me out of his own mouth and I could appreciate the emotions behind that. I don’t want Hollywood’s interpretation, and I don’t want it to change how I see him – which if I saw it, might not happen, but every time the trailer comes on it squeezes my heart a little bit.
Either way, maybe I’m just over thinking this. If he wants to go see it with a bunch of us from school, I’ll go. I’m his friend, after all. He means something, and right now I can’t deny that. He still does. Fuck me, why do I have to feel? But, it’s alright guys. I’m smiling. Honestly, it doesn’t hurt anymore. Not really, anyways.
I can say this with an open heart: if the Boy has found another, that’s completely fine with me. He means more to me than just a fling, and that is why I’d rather be a friend. Romance will come and go, but friendship means more. That’s what I need right now, and that’s what I’m looking to find.
TOK Deadline Countdown. 1 hour, 6 minutes left.
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