Two Days and Counting

Don’t work, you don’t need to. We need to do the IPP – yes, but that can be done during half term.

I have not felt this ill in a very long time. I went on Sick List again today, and I hate having to go on Sick List when I’m actually sick. It’s much more fun when you’re healthy. I slept until 12:30 in the afternoon, at which point I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself. Already taken my ‘recommended daily dose’ of paracetamol, because that’s not working. Just wish that my throat would stop being such a wanker, and that I’d got my tonsils taken out a long time ago. That would have been much more simple, and I’d feel better now. Which would mean, yay, I get to be alive and talk to people because I’m not going to see them for a week, come Friday.

The Boy and I (to keep you updated) are still cooking tonight, that should be fun, even though I sound strange every time I try and speak. URHG. Although last night was a bit strange, we didn’t really speak. I don’t know if he feels the way I do – which is good, I guess, in a way. Because it’s always the chase I enjoy, and my god is he keeping me hanging on. Like a puppet in his hands, I am, but we won’t tell anyone that. Weakness is not something I enjoy showing. The constant questioning hurts, but then again I know that this is the only way I like it.

The wanting, the jealousy, the fire, the aches, constant searching. I was talking to someone the other day and described it perfectly:

“When you see them, your whole world lights up. You’re constantly on guard in case they turn up in your life, and when they don’t it’s agony. When they do, suddenly everything’s alright again, and you look at them without wanting them to catch you looking, and just hope that they’re looking at you too. When the two of you are in a room together – with other people – there’s just a constant knowledge of the others’ whereabouts and you question where they’re going if they leave. If you don’t see them all day, you stress out, but then even when you do it’s some how not enough.”

It just makes me smile, being around him. I wonder how no one else has noticed.

Who\’d Have Known – Lily Allen