(after writing Day One and Day Two on Day Three, I have finally caught up with myself. 30-minutes of writing, instead of 10-minutes over three days... not so bad)
I don't know what i would say if I could say literally anything - it's a very difficult question. Is it weird that I wasn't ever really scared that people wouldn't like what I write, or wouldn't want to read my stories? Until now that is, until I read the Day Three email and got stuck into my own head a little bit. I don't even know if that's true, or I'm just hungry, because I'm sat on a train to a Writing Retreat and have been up since 7am, and haven't had any breakfast yet. That's almost two hours, and I don't know where I'm going so I don't even know if there will be a coffee shop somewhere, where I can go and get at least a slice of toast.
That wasn't really what I was supposed to talk about in this 'free writing' business, it was supposed to be what would you write about if there were no limits and judgements. But like I said, I think I pretty much write what I would want to write anyway. What else is there? Discussing the fact that vegans can be ridiculous but the world is also fucked and we're all going to die one day because we're not taking better care of the planet? I mean, yes, I could talk about that, but it's something I think about as an every-day life thing, I don't write stories about it. I don't really want to write stories about it because I write stories to escape from everyday life, not bring it closer to home.
It's a difficult one really, because I definitely found a way to push my views through of some of the more "unpleasant" stuff in one of the characters - but even with him, even with those thoughts, I think I'm a fairly decent person and my thoughts are quite progressive. I (hope I'm not) racist, although I should really check my white privilege more often and I don't really know how to help or do better when it comes to making life easier for ethnic minorities - I'm not in a position of power, so all I can try and do is educate myself and hope that helps. That and being friendly.
I would also consider myself a feminist, not sure what type because I do get a bit tangled in this idea of make up/not make up/ why are you wearing it, is it for you or is it for other people? I think that idea is tangled up in itself anyway, because how do you know you're doing something for yourself or for other people when we've been so conditioned to care what other people think that there is no way of knowing if even if you think it's for "you" and your personal understanding and image of yourself, or if its because it makes you feel "better" and more "accepted" by other people - which also makes you feel good, but you shouldn't have to feel bad if you don't dress or look like that.
This train is so rattly-shaky and not exactly being driven well, it's making me feel a bit queasy. Again, could that be because I haven't actually had anything to eat? I'm not sure but the driver sure does keep putting the breaks on in a very frustrating manner, it's super jerky and not what I'd expect of a train - on a bus sure, but then I don't try and write free-hand for 10-minutes on a bus precisely for that reason.
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