Mum came down this weekend to visit - she only stayed the Saturday night, but we had Chinese for dinner and and ended up debating white privilege and sexism. Sunday, I went down to NJs with Mum and also had a really nice afternoon with them; we went to the Globe for lunch, and more good conversation, and then when I got back home, Dill and Tobe came round to play more D&D (which I both loved and was frustrated by because it seems I have an inability to throw dice).
Last weekend was also equally as great, but instead it was because I got to go to the England v. Wales Six Nations rugby match in Cardiff with Smiley, Bing and Dad - we stayed near AC which was the only slightly crushing thing, because it brought back a lot of memories and everything felt both familiar and distant. Saying that, I saw some actual current ACers and suddenly realised just how young we really were when we were there - I am actually 5 years older than the students there, and I wouldn't fit in as one of them if I tried to go back. They were all my brothers age, and by god, that was a shock. But it does mean that now I am finding it somewhat easier to leave that behind, as actual memories. After all, of course I still see my friends as "the same" as they were then, because we have all grown up at the same time; it's only with a direct comparison to who they are now that I actually see the difference.
Also, the rugby game was great, even if Smiley did get overly aggressive and miserable afterwards because Wales lost. I get being upset, but don't take it out on me because I'm really not going to take it. Definitely something he needs to learn. Anyway, it was also a thoroughly great weekend, and it was nice to see everyone and experience the rugby, even if I did freeze my toes off. What else? Oh, yes.
Today was a very good day.
I started by going for a horse riding session with Awdas; we both now canter, and I absolutely love that feeling. I know that it's pretty expensive, and I have spent way too much money this week already, but I know that it's worth it for how it makes me feel. Hopefully one week soon Ry will also be able to join us, because I'd really like it if he could ride too. Then we could all go for hacks through the countryside, and if Ry and I decided to visit home for a weekend in the summer then we could do a half-day ride up there too.
Had lunch at home with Ry and then, drum roll please, I went to go and see a psychic medium. It was actually a very relaxing and fulfilling session - she did my reading with ribbons, where I had to pick three ribbons out of lots in circle which spoke to me the most, and with two sets of cards. One set was the angel cards, but I didn't point out that I also actually have that set with me at home. During my session, a spirit called Jack, a gentleman who had an allotment, apparently appeared to her and mentioned that I needed to get my eyes tested. A spirit dog, a collie, also came by which I imagine (with hindsight) was potentially Penny (Mum's dog when she was growing up) but at the time I didn't see how it connected with me - but it was nice to know that they were there, and the medium said that the dog was circling me, giving me protection.
We talked -well, she talked, I mostly listened, smiled, said "yes" and laughed slightly awkwardly - through a lot of things. Who I am as a person, the fact that I need to show myself more self-love and stop being so closed off to other people all the time, and that Ry and my relationship is solid as a rock. From it, I have gathered a couple of things:
- Apparently, I am naturally a healer and spiritually sensitive. I am an empath, taking in other people's emotions and projecting them on myself. I should be following my gut a lot more, and she even suggested that I try going on a course to become a Reiki healer. The medium said that even as we sat there, her hands were getting really warm and itchy, with pins and needles, and she'd never had that as strong before with other people. So, it's something I'm thinking about.
- I need to be more in tune with my own spirituality, and start doing meditation- I mean I knew this already, I just wasn't making as much effort as I definitely should have been doing. But I do believe in Wicca, and I want to become more spiritual and have the self-confidence and self-healing to be able to do that. I think my personality suits it.
- The medium very strongly showed that there is spiritual guidance there for me, but I need to be open to it. I need to start listening to my gut, and I need to start choosing what my path is going to be for the future, because it is currently quite wishy-washy. She said that I am definitely going to change career paths soon, and that it is going to be quite a rapid change, but that also there could be a level of progression that is higher than I expect, resulting also in more financial security.
- She also said I was going to go travelling and get spiritual healing from that, which really made me curious and believe what she was saying, considering (and I didn't mention this) Ry and I are going to Sing and Oz in June, with Sing being a very important trip for me to try and get some closure from it in terms of my crippling nostalgia and the way I feel about the past - which is another thing:
- I need to let it go. The past, that is. It is holding me back from finding the future I want, I can't step forwards with it still lingering. She also said that I do need to make a decision about the future because otherwise, it will just cause me more stress and confusion and prevent me reaching my full potential - so yes. Need to get my act together, basically.
All in all, it was a thoroughly enlightening and interesting experience. I need to start writing my dreams down in my dream journal too, see what comes out of those messages. Honestly, I'm not sure whether or not I believe everything the medium said, because some of it didn't work for me (or Ry's) personalities and did seem quite generalised, but all the things she said were nice. They made me feel ridiculously less under pressure, and like I can do this - the confirmation, affirmation and clarification that things will be okay, you just have to put yourself in the right direction was all I really needed, and so therefore I am happy to believe that it is all true. After all, I'm not going to disagree with the universe.
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